I had a dream, about 2 years ago now, which was so terrifying and emotional it woke me and kept me from sleeping the rest of that night. And unlike most dreams, which fade as the waking mind resumes the helm, this dream remained vivid over the months, and now years, since.
I dreamt that my (now) husband and I had found the perfect house. It was tucked in the woods near a stream and it was quirky and beautiful and everything we wanted. We had signed all the paperwork and stood in front of it holding the key. Our key.
Suddenly we were both swept away by a flash flood, away from our new home and into the river. We were carried away with the current, no matter how hard we fought to get to shore. We clung to logs and tree limbs and floating debris when we could, but we were eventually tumbled back into the cold murky waters to choke and sputter and fight. We never lost eachother though. We clung to eachother and took turns fighting the tide.
The river was long and winding, carrying us with it though we always kept fighting the current. No matter how the rivers path changed it always brought us back past our house. we would fight to get to shore, the water would bring us within fingers reach of the bank before swallowing us up again. Everytime I felt I could take no more, that I would break from the heartache of coming so close. But we kept trying. We kept swimming against the current. For months. Years, we swam. The water rushing us past the banks too quickly to catch hold.
Our families would stand atop the bank shaking their heads as they watched us drowning and fighting the tides, Though we would cry out for help they all turned their backs, telling us this was what growing up meant. That we had to pull ourselves out.
So we continued on, facing the rapids with nothing but eachother. Until one day my husband caught hold of the shore. He brought my hand to the bank and we climbed it together, slipping in the mud as the bank grew taller. When we finally crested the top, cold and soaked and out of breath, there was our house. Just as we had left it. Waiting for us.
And in the yard was a beautiful white dog with blue eyes. He looked to us, smiled and said "You've earned it."
Tuesday, June 07, 2016
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Second Thoughts: Money vs. Happy
Hello Alice,
You know that old adage, the one about money not buying happiness? We all do. And at some point in our lives most of us are poor enough to think it is a load of horse manure.
Let's start this story at the beginning.
For the past few years I've been working part time—but for a very nice hourly rate—as a school bus driver. I have Administrative Assistant experience, but at the time all I could find was the bus company.
And I honestly loved it.
I loved working with kids without all the headache and bureaucracy of being a teacher. I loved the free time in the middle of the day to prep dinner, or work on crafts, or dedicate to my writing. And I brought in just as much as I had working full time. Sure I didn't have benefits, but once I got married that was solved. I didn't mind getting up and going to work, I looked forward to the new school years and loved the idea that when I had kids I could bring them along with me—and that makes my dream of homeschooling my kids closer to a reality. My bosses made me feel appreciated and needed.
We were still struggling, but no more than before. And loving your job goes a long way.
About a month ago my Mom called me with an offer. The company she works for was expanding and needed a new Admin Assistant. Full time, with benefits. My per hour rate would go down, but my yearly would go up. And I would just have to work in an office.
More money! And it's an admin job, which I have experience in. So I said sure, without a second thought.
Then the problems started gathering, before I even started.
Travel. I would have to travel across the state every week, taking a huge chunk out of that pay upgrade, and taking me away from my husband (and any future children) at least 1 night a week. I also would have no access to a permanent office. (My first day I spent at a table in an empty activity room, my second in a closet.)
Hours. There would be no normal office hours. Most days I would have to stay until 6:30pm—meaning I won't get home until 7:30-8:30pm. Which takes away any concept of dinner.
Clients. I was originally told I would have no contact with the clients—lets just say these people would fit in on an episode of SVU, and not on the cop or victims side. As someone who was a victim of a sex crime, I was (and still am) uncomfortable with this. But, the money is good, so why not try and face my demons? They're human too, and statistically they were all victims at some point.
Locations. I was told in my original offer that I would not have to enter the Prison, as this was an out-patient program. This was also changed. Twice. First I was told I would just have to go into the Administrative building. Then I was told I would have to go into "the belly of the beast" to do filing. The stark, clinical, hospital-like prison. To it's belly. By myself.
Fun Fact about me: I'm TERRIFIED of Hospitals. And a prison is like a hospital I couldn't even step out of to get air. Everywhere there are cages. You are trapped. (more reasons I will never commit a crime).
My first day in just the Admin building of the prison Inearly had a panic attack. I cried the whole way home because I was so anxious about having to go further into that place.
What makes all of this worse is knowing if I want to quit I have to tell my mother. The person who got me the job. She will forever see me as a failure (not that she doesn't already) because I wasn't "smart" enough to suck it up and do the hard job so I can make the money she thinks I need to be happy.
But the more I think about it the more I realize, I was happy. My etsy business was starting to take off, I'd started selling at craft shows and conventions. What if I could have made up what's lacking in my income by dedicating my time to my craft? I was finally getting inspired again by my writing (after about a year long schlump). I just handed up my dreams—for money. For numbers on a screen. I gave up my opportunity to have kids.
I sold out.
And I want to return it. I want to go back. Fuck money.
I want happy.
I want poor and crafting and dreaming and building a family. Because no one ever regrets following their dreams.
You know that old adage, the one about money not buying happiness? We all do. And at some point in our lives most of us are poor enough to think it is a load of horse manure.
Let's start this story at the beginning.
For the past few years I've been working part time—but for a very nice hourly rate—as a school bus driver. I have Administrative Assistant experience, but at the time all I could find was the bus company.
And I honestly loved it.
I loved working with kids without all the headache and bureaucracy of being a teacher. I loved the free time in the middle of the day to prep dinner, or work on crafts, or dedicate to my writing. And I brought in just as much as I had working full time. Sure I didn't have benefits, but once I got married that was solved. I didn't mind getting up and going to work, I looked forward to the new school years and loved the idea that when I had kids I could bring them along with me—and that makes my dream of homeschooling my kids closer to a reality. My bosses made me feel appreciated and needed.
We were still struggling, but no more than before. And loving your job goes a long way.
About a month ago my Mom called me with an offer. The company she works for was expanding and needed a new Admin Assistant. Full time, with benefits. My per hour rate would go down, but my yearly would go up. And I would just have to work in an office.
More money! And it's an admin job, which I have experience in. So I said sure, without a second thought.
Then the problems started gathering, before I even started.
Travel. I would have to travel across the state every week, taking a huge chunk out of that pay upgrade, and taking me away from my husband (and any future children) at least 1 night a week. I also would have no access to a permanent office. (My first day I spent at a table in an empty activity room, my second in a closet.)
Hours. There would be no normal office hours. Most days I would have to stay until 6:30pm—meaning I won't get home until 7:30-8:30pm. Which takes away any concept of dinner.
Clients. I was originally told I would have no contact with the clients—lets just say these people would fit in on an episode of SVU, and not on the cop or victims side. As someone who was a victim of a sex crime, I was (and still am) uncomfortable with this. But, the money is good, so why not try and face my demons? They're human too, and statistically they were all victims at some point.
Locations. I was told in my original offer that I would not have to enter the Prison, as this was an out-patient program. This was also changed. Twice. First I was told I would just have to go into the Administrative building. Then I was told I would have to go into "the belly of the beast" to do filing. The stark, clinical, hospital-like prison. To it's belly. By myself.
Fun Fact about me: I'm TERRIFIED of Hospitals. And a prison is like a hospital I couldn't even step out of to get air. Everywhere there are cages. You are trapped. (more reasons I will never commit a crime).
My first day in just the Admin building of the prison I
What makes all of this worse is knowing if I want to quit I have to tell my mother. The person who got me the job. She will forever see me as a failure (not that she doesn't already) because I wasn't "smart" enough to suck it up and do the hard job so I can make the money she thinks I need to be happy.
But the more I think about it the more I realize, I was happy. My etsy business was starting to take off, I'd started selling at craft shows and conventions. What if I could have made up what's lacking in my income by dedicating my time to my craft? I was finally getting inspired again by my writing (after about a year long schlump). I just handed up my dreams—for money. For numbers on a screen. I gave up my opportunity to have kids.
I sold out.
And I want to return it. I want to go back. Fuck money.
I want happy.
I want poor and crafting and dreaming and building a family. Because no one ever regrets following their dreams.
Friday, November 27, 2015
Evolutions: AKA the Scariest Thing in the World—Change
There are days when I wonder if I am the only person who finds change terrifying.
Let's start at the beginning This past week I received a text from my mother, at 7 am, asking me to call her ASAP because she wanted to "consult" me on something important. My mom does not ask my opinion on anything. I rarely get texts from her unless it has to do with a family gathering and what food I'm bringing. So for her to tell me to call her ASAP, sent up red flags.
When I did call her after my morning bus run, it was not what I expected. She asked if I would be interested taking an administrative assistant job in her office. Her company was expanding and they needed some one with many of the skills I possess from previous jobs. Full time, with benefits, and salary almost twice what I'm currently making.
The cons? I have to drive to another state for work, and there will be a good amount of driving around said state throughout the week. But it's not like I don't currently drive for a living, right? I'd be away from home at least one night a week, and there are some evening hours.
But with this job my husband and I have a much better chance of owning a home, and being able to start a family. Which we've been struggling to do. And we would move closer to most of our parents (which my mom has been trying to get us to do).
I know it will increase our overall happiness greatly.
But I can't help the terror gripping me at the idea of changing jobs. There was a time in my life where I couldn't seem to stay in one job for more than a year. But I've been in my current position four years. I love my job. I love the kids in my district, I love my co-workers, I love my dress code, and I LOVE my bosses. I know that this change is what is best for my husband and I if we want to start a family. But I am going to miss my current job. The people, as well as the freedom it provided me during the day. Freedom to run errands, make dinner, work on creative projects.
What if I can't handle working full time? What if I don't get to see my husband enough? What if I get pregnant and can't get time off, how will I be able to take care of my children when I have them (this is not the sort of job where I can bring my child to work). What if the work is soul-crushing? How can I tell my mother that if I need to leave?
I don't consider myself an overly anxious person, but employment has always been a source of anxiety for me. I know many of my fears are irrational. Whose to say I won't love the job? Or that I'll even have kids? My mom was so career focused my whole life, I fear I will never live up to that ambition—partially because I just don't have it. I don't have the same drive my mother does. I would be much more content to be a stay at home mom, maybe working part-time. I would love to home-school my children and spend my days educating them and being a homemaker. Because I just don't think I could do everything my mom did. Working 2, sometimes 3 jobs, while still making dinner every night.
My early failures in the professional field (I can blame the economy all I want, but in the end it was me who didn't get hired, I wasn't good enough) have given me a bleak view of my own worth. I know I am a good worker, but I understand my limitations. And I'm ok with them. We're always telling everyone that they have to "break their limitations!"
Well, I'm comfortable with mine. I will never be an athlete, or an actress, or a singer. Not everyone can be great. Most of us are just average. Even my passions, writing, clay crafts, roleplaying, I know the odds say I will never be great. I don't want to be great. Because wanting to be great leaves very far to fall when you fail. Being average, being ok, is safe.
Staying in the same job, is safe.
Change is not safe.
Yet, I said yes. Because I want a better life. I'm tired of living the way I am. Scraping and praying and crying. About bills, about debt, about this unobtainable future. I'm tired of taking two steps back when I try to move forward.
It's time to live. And as we all know, Life is Change. It's adapting. So here I am, evolving.
When I did call her after my morning bus run, it was not what I expected. She asked if I would be interested taking an administrative assistant job in her office. Her company was expanding and they needed some one with many of the skills I possess from previous jobs. Full time, with benefits, and salary almost twice what I'm currently making.
The cons? I have to drive to another state for work, and there will be a good amount of driving around said state throughout the week. But it's not like I don't currently drive for a living, right? I'd be away from home at least one night a week, and there are some evening hours.
But with this job my husband and I have a much better chance of owning a home, and being able to start a family. Which we've been struggling to do. And we would move closer to most of our parents (which my mom has been trying to get us to do).
I know it will increase our overall happiness greatly.
But I can't help the terror gripping me at the idea of changing jobs. There was a time in my life where I couldn't seem to stay in one job for more than a year. But I've been in my current position four years. I love my job. I love the kids in my district, I love my co-workers, I love my dress code, and I LOVE my bosses. I know that this change is what is best for my husband and I if we want to start a family. But I am going to miss my current job. The people, as well as the freedom it provided me during the day. Freedom to run errands, make dinner, work on creative projects.
What if I can't handle working full time? What if I don't get to see my husband enough? What if I get pregnant and can't get time off, how will I be able to take care of my children when I have them (this is not the sort of job where I can bring my child to work). What if the work is soul-crushing? How can I tell my mother that if I need to leave?
I don't consider myself an overly anxious person, but employment has always been a source of anxiety for me. I know many of my fears are irrational. Whose to say I won't love the job? Or that I'll even have kids? My mom was so career focused my whole life, I fear I will never live up to that ambition—partially because I just don't have it. I don't have the same drive my mother does. I would be much more content to be a stay at home mom, maybe working part-time. I would love to home-school my children and spend my days educating them and being a homemaker. Because I just don't think I could do everything my mom did. Working 2, sometimes 3 jobs, while still making dinner every night.
My early failures in the professional field (I can blame the economy all I want, but in the end it was me who didn't get hired, I wasn't good enough) have given me a bleak view of my own worth. I know I am a good worker, but I understand my limitations. And I'm ok with them. We're always telling everyone that they have to "break their limitations!"
Well, I'm comfortable with mine. I will never be an athlete, or an actress, or a singer. Not everyone can be great. Most of us are just average. Even my passions, writing, clay crafts, roleplaying, I know the odds say I will never be great. I don't want to be great. Because wanting to be great leaves very far to fall when you fail. Being average, being ok, is safe.
Staying in the same job, is safe.
Change is not safe.
Yet, I said yes. Because I want a better life. I'm tired of living the way I am. Scraping and praying and crying. About bills, about debt, about this unobtainable future. I'm tired of taking two steps back when I try to move forward.
It's time to live. And as we all know, Life is Change. It's adapting. So here I am, evolving.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Cutting the Cord: Why I got rid of Cable
We'd been talking about it for over a year. Getting rid of the Beast: Cable. I'd read all the articles and blogs about how much money people saved, what they subscribed to instead, how they got digital antennas and still got all their local channels. But it's scary, unfamiliar territory.
Like many of you out there, I felt trapped. The Demon (AKA Comcast) constantly raising our prices, while cutting the channels we received. And they never cut the channels we don't watch. No. It must always be something we love.
First they took ScyFy and TNT. Then they took Travel, TLC, and Cartoon Network.
Whenever we would call to report a problem or downgrade our service (because I'm sorry, I only have one soul, and you cannot have it!) we were met with the same listless bullshit.
"Would you like to upgrade to triple play?"
"No, I want to downgrade, I can't afford our current package."
"Do you watch sports?"
"No, I hate sports."
"Do you have a home phone?"
"No, I have a cell phone."
"We've determined the best package for you is our Triple Play with home phone! If you sign up today, not only is installation free, you'll get every NFL sports channel just in time for football season!"
"Um... did you even listen to me?"
It is depressing, we all know it. Finally my husband and I were so fed up with our bill continuing to escalate for the same mediocre service. I didn't even want to look at the remote, let alone turn on the cable box. This August I went the entire month without watching cable. I just watched netflix. I didn't even realize it until September came around.
That was when I made my mind up.
My husband called that week (because despite our being married, I cannot call them, because I have no power there) and canceled the cable. We kept our same internet (although that router is next to go!) and haven't looked back.
And honestly, it's true what they say. You don't miss it. We didn't get all the crazy subscriptions, or digital antenna. We just kept our Netflix. And I love it. No commercials, no flipping through channels, no "I can't find anything to watch". Freedom.
In fact, I haven't felt this free since I was a kid and we only had 6 channels (two of them only on clear days).
I find myself doing more. More crafting, more reading, more writing. All of the things I couldn't find time for before. It's a liberating transformation.
So do it, cut the cord. Take the chance and don't let them bully you. Take back your money, take back control of what you watch, but most of all—TAKE BACK YOUR TIME!
Like many of you out there, I felt trapped. The Demon (AKA Comcast) constantly raising our prices, while cutting the channels we received. And they never cut the channels we don't watch. No. It must always be something we love.
First they took ScyFy and TNT.
Whenever we would call to report a problem or downgrade our service (because I'm sorry, I only have one soul, and you cannot have it!) we were met with the same listless bullshit.
"Would you like to upgrade to triple play?"
"No, I want to downgrade, I can't afford our current package."
"Do you watch sports?"
"No, I hate sports."
"Do you have a home phone?"
"No, I have a cell phone."
"We've determined the best package for you is our
"Um... did you even listen to me?"
It is depressing, we all know it. Finally my husband and I were so fed up with our bill continuing to escalate for the same mediocre service. I didn't even want to look at the remote, let alone turn on the cable box. This August I went the entire month without watching cable. I just watched netflix. I didn't even realize it until September came around.
That was when I made my mind up.
My husband called that week (because despite our being married, I cannot call them, because I have no power there) and canceled the cable. We kept our same internet (although that router is next to go!) and haven't looked back.
And honestly, it's true what they say. You don't miss it. We didn't get all the crazy subscriptions, or digital antenna. We just kept our Netflix. And I love it. No commercials, no flipping through channels, no "I can't find anything to watch". Freedom.
In fact, I haven't felt this free since I was a kid and we only had 6 channels (two of them only on clear days).
I find myself doing more. More crafting, more reading, more writing. All of the things I couldn't find time for before. It's a liberating transformation.
So do it, cut the cord. Take the chance and don't let them bully you. Take back your money, take back control of what you watch, but most of all—TAKE BACK YOUR TIME!
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Writing Challenge: Third Entry/ Dinosaurs
Hello Alice,
I know I have been scarce these last few weeks, but I promise I have had an excuse. I was busylosing my mind getting married.
Having once again returned to a semblance of my saner self (if you can call me sane) I'm determined to pick up with my writing challenge andhopefully finish it by the end of summer. I decided not to take any runs this summer, so I can recharge a little and get back into the things that feed my soul (rather than my wallet). I've got some new ideas for my etsy store—the shelves are looking a little bare as of late— it's called EclipsedCrafts if any of you are interested. I want to catch up on posting some recipes to my cooking blog, The Zombie Cook, and I want to read some books, and most importantly and most desperately, I want need to get back to my writing.
It is like there has been a hole in me these past few months. I've tried to do a little editing here and there, but not nearly as much as my characters demand (am I the only writer who feels like their characters get angry when neglected?)
So, my first step back in.
Review A Movie/Book/Anything
This past weekend an event happened that I had been looking forward to for months.
No, I am not talking about my wedding—which happened the Saturday before— I am speaking of seeing the premiere of the film Jurassic World with friends.
Since the very first trailer, I have been anxiously awaiting this film. For those of you who do not know me, allow me to explain. There are two subjects/creatures in this world that I am obsessed with beyond all else. One of them—as you may have been able to tell by now—is zombies.
But before there were zombies, there were Dinosaurs.
My entire life I have had nothing but nightmares. It caused for a difficult childhood. The only time I wake up thinking I had an awesome dream (even though it was still scary) are the times my dreams involve Zombies or Dinosaurs. It doesn't matter how many times I get chased by a T-Rex, he never catches me and so I love him.
I never had a dinosaur dream until my mom brought home Jurassic Park on VHS for Christmas. She had seen it in the theater months earlier and thought (even though it was PG-13 and I was only 8 and my brother was 6) that it was alright for us to watch. My brother and I LOVED it. Even though I was too scared to watch Muldoon get eaten by the Raptors (for years I would walk out of the room and wait for my brother to tell me it was safe).
I've been obsessed with dinosaurs ever since. If I hadn't decided to dedicate my life to books and writing (and if science degrees didn't involve so much damn math) I would have studied dinosaurs.
It may be surprising then, that I had not read Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton until the past year. I think as a kid I was concerned because my mom had said it was "heavily scientific". Having read it now, I think I would have managed (hell I read college-level psychological thrillers in fourth grade). But needless to say, I loved the book. And I feel reading it after seeing the first 3 movies gave me a new appreciation for the films (yes, even JP3). There was so much in that book that wasn't able to be covered in the movie. So many scenes and images that were so awesome. Like the T-Rex licking someone through the waterfall (shown in Lost World) or the Pterosaur aviary (shown in JP3).
In each of the three movies there is a little of that first book.
The same goes for Jurassic World. The filmmakers did a wonderful job of incorporating scenes from the book, while giving a courteous nod to the original film. The plot is reminiscent in a honorable way, bringing enough new to keep audiences interested without messing with tradition.
As an added bonus, for those who might notice/care about such things, they kept with the continuity of not only the films, but video games as well. From the original actor, BD Wong, playing Dr. Henry Wu, to scars on the T-Rex from her fight with the raptors in the first film (implying that the new park handlers had to re-capture her!). The Mosasaur may seem a little out of the blue for many, but for those who played the Telltale Jurassic Park Game (which I highly recommend for those—like me—who have been kept awake at night by the question "What happened to Nedry's Barbasol can of embryos?!") it is yet another cameo of a dinosaur from the original park. In the game the Mosasaur was big enough to be scary, in the movie she's HUGE! Showing her growth over those 20+ years.
Continuity is not something that always crosses the minds of movie-makers, so it shows the loving hand used when making this film.
As for the action? It's a Jurassic Park movie, come on! The beauty of the point Dr. Wu makes about this new hybrid dinosaur ("You wanted it bigger, scarier, more teeth") is that that was what they tried to do in JP3 with the Spinosaur—don't even get me started on the issues with that concept They ate FISH! There, I'm done, I promise—and what ultimately brought the franchise down. The Indominus Rex, as they call it—and make fun of it—in the film is just what it was trying to do with Spinosaur, only better (partially because Indominus is smart and that makes it SCARY!)
Some may think:
"But aren't they just doing the same thing, only with a fake dinosaur?"
The answer is yes, and no. Yes, they introduced a new dinosaur which is bigger, scarier, and has more teeth than the T-Rex. But the way they deal with it in this film is much more honest. They genetically created this animal, manipulated every fiber of its DNA. Which was one of the points in the book which the movies were never really able to bring up. Dr. Wu finally tells it here. None of the dinosaurs in the park are true clones. None of them are accurate. They were all altered, by adding genes where ones were incomplete or, as in the book, manipulating growth rates. This was a HUGE point in the book. Not just the idea of bringing back extinct creatures, but the DNA manipulation required to do it. It was a Pandora's box concept, and admittedly would have been too much in the first movie. But by bringing it up now, when everyone understands the basics of DNA, and real world de-extinction is on the horizon (Woolly Mammoths anyone?) it is the manipulation of such DNA that we need to be thinking about.
So all in all, Jurassic World is an awesome movie, for both the intellectual who would dissect its every meaning (like me) and the casual movie-goer who wants to see some great special effects, cool dinosaurs, jump-scares and thrilling action, or Chris Pratt leading Raptors into battle! (also me)
I know I have been scarce these last few weeks, but I promise I have had an excuse. I was busy
Having once again returned to a semblance of my saner self (if you can call me sane) I'm determined to pick up with my writing challenge and
It is like there has been a hole in me these past few months. I've tried to do a little editing here and there, but not nearly as much as my characters demand (am I the only writer who feels like their characters get angry when neglected?)
So, my first step back in.
Review A Movie/Book/Anything
This past weekend an event happened that I had been looking forward to for months.
No, I am not talking about my wedding—which happened the Saturday before— I am speaking of seeing the premiere of the film Jurassic World with friends.
Since the very first trailer, I have been anxiously awaiting this film. For those of you who do not know me, allow me to explain. There are two subjects/creatures in this world that I am obsessed with beyond all else. One of them—as you may have been able to tell by now—is zombies.
But before there were zombies, there were Dinosaurs.
My entire life I have had nothing but nightmares. It caused for a difficult childhood. The only time I wake up thinking I had an awesome dream (even though it was still scary) are the times my dreams involve Zombies or Dinosaurs. It doesn't matter how many times I get chased by a T-Rex, he never catches me and so I love him.
I never had a dinosaur dream until my mom brought home Jurassic Park on VHS for Christmas. She had seen it in the theater months earlier and thought (even though it was PG-13 and I was only 8 and my brother was 6) that it was alright for us to watch. My brother and I LOVED it. Even though I was too scared to watch Muldoon get eaten by the Raptors (for years I would walk out of the room and wait for my brother to tell me it was safe).
I've been obsessed with dinosaurs ever since. If I hadn't decided to dedicate my life to books and writing (and if science degrees didn't involve so much damn math) I would have studied dinosaurs.
It may be surprising then, that I had not read Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton until the past year. I think as a kid I was concerned because my mom had said it was "heavily scientific". Having read it now, I think I would have managed (hell I read college-level psychological thrillers in fourth grade). But needless to say, I loved the book. And I feel reading it after seeing the first 3 movies gave me a new appreciation for the films (yes, even JP3). There was so much in that book that wasn't able to be covered in the movie. So many scenes and images that were so awesome. Like the T-Rex licking someone through the waterfall (shown in Lost World) or the Pterosaur aviary (shown in JP3).
In each of the three movies there is a little of that first book.
The same goes for Jurassic World. The filmmakers did a wonderful job of incorporating scenes from the book, while giving a courteous nod to the original film. The plot is reminiscent in a honorable way, bringing enough new to keep audiences interested without messing with tradition.
As an added bonus, for those who might notice/care about such things, they kept with the continuity of not only the films, but video games as well. From the original actor, BD Wong, playing Dr. Henry Wu, to scars on the T-Rex from her fight with the raptors in the first film (implying that the new park handlers had to re-capture her!). The Mosasaur may seem a little out of the blue for many, but for those who played the Telltale Jurassic Park Game (which I highly recommend for those—like me—who have been kept awake at night by the question "What happened to Nedry's Barbasol can of embryos?!") it is yet another cameo of a dinosaur from the original park. In the game the Mosasaur was big enough to be scary, in the movie she's HUGE! Showing her growth over those 20+ years.
 |
| The human (girl approx 5.5") in this picture is approximately the same ratio of size |
 |
| To the Great White (avg between 13-16ft) in this picture. That implies the Mosasaur has doubled in size! |
Continuity is not something that always crosses the minds of movie-makers, so it shows the loving hand used when making this film.
As for the action? It's a Jurassic Park movie, come on! The beauty of the point Dr. Wu makes about this new hybrid dinosaur ("You wanted it bigger, scarier, more teeth") is that that was what they tried to do in JP3 with the Spinosaur—
Some may think:
"But aren't they just doing the same thing, only with a fake dinosaur?"
The answer is yes, and no. Yes, they introduced a new dinosaur which is bigger, scarier, and has more teeth than the T-Rex. But the way they deal with it in this film is much more honest. They genetically created this animal, manipulated every fiber of its DNA. Which was one of the points in the book which the movies were never really able to bring up. Dr. Wu finally tells it here. None of the dinosaurs in the park are true clones. None of them are accurate. They were all altered, by adding genes where ones were incomplete or, as in the book, manipulating growth rates. This was a HUGE point in the book. Not just the idea of bringing back extinct creatures, but the DNA manipulation required to do it. It was a Pandora's box concept, and admittedly would have been too much in the first movie. But by bringing it up now, when everyone understands the basics of DNA, and real world de-extinction is on the horizon (Woolly Mammoths anyone?) it is the manipulation of such DNA that we need to be thinking about.
So all in all, Jurassic World is an awesome movie, for both the intellectual who would dissect its every meaning (like me) and the casual movie-goer who wants to see some great special effects, cool dinosaurs, jump-scares and thrilling action, or Chris Pratt leading Raptors into battle! (also me)
Wednesday, May 06, 2015
Writing Challenge: Second Entry
Hello Alice,
So I've been sick for the past three days, which is unusual for me. I'm not exaggerating when I say my immune system is pretty hardcore (I do work around kids, so it's tested regularly) but this week has been hard. Been stuck at home, fevered, coughing, unable to keep food down, breathe or sleep. Doctor says I have a bad upper respiratory infection. They prescribed me an inhaler and some antibiotics. Here's hoping it works so I can get back to work.
So here's my poem.
A Short Poem
Fever, fever, go away
Let me work so I can get paid.
So I've been sick for the past three days, which is unusual for me. I'm not exaggerating when I say my immune system is pretty hardcore (I do work around kids, so it's tested regularly) but this week has been hard. Been stuck at home, fevered, coughing, unable to keep food down, breathe or sleep. Doctor says I have a bad upper respiratory infection. They prescribed me an inhaler and some antibiotics. Here's hoping it works so I can get back to work.
So here's my poem.
A Short Poem
Fever, fever, go away
Let me work so I can get paid.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Writing Challenge: Day One
So I found an image floating around facebook and decided to accept its challenge. No specific parameters were set beyond those written as a list in the image. No timeline, no word count, no instruction.
Loose. My kind of challenge.
So I've dedicated myself. One list item per day. I'm not worrying over word counts or quality. This is really just to get me back into the habit of writing. Forcing myself back into the deep end after too long without swimming.
It already feels good.
Day One Goal: Write a short autobiography.
Result:
Day
1: A Short Autobiography
I,
much like every other human, do not recall the day I was born—or
days as it is in my case. I have heard the story every year on my
birthday; how my mother labored for four days to bring me into this
world. She uses the event as the first evidence of my stubborn
personality. I find it rather apt.
My
childhood was not always a happy one. There are dark corners and
shadowed monsters which I do not like to remember. From a very young
age I was plagued by night terrors brought on by past traumas.
My
family was not a happy one. Broken apart and pasted back together until we accepted the cracks. I do not mean to say my childhood was unhappy, just that happy is not a word to describe it. Loved, yes. Protected, yes. Good, yes. But not the
golden-edged glow implied by “happy”. Happy has no secrets, no shadows. I have many.
My mother worked hard to
provide and protect us. She always put her children before
everything. Sometimes she forgot that we were not as tough as she
was. My father worked hard too. He worked to make us
happy, to spoil us however he could. Sometimes he forgot that we'd
rather see him at our school plays and concerts than have all the
toys at Christmas.
But as
we grow we learn. We learn to be strong, to hide our sensitivity, to
bare the weight. We learn that our parents are not perfect. Our child
eyes become infected by the demon shards of adulthood: revealing the
flaws in our heroes, and virtues in our villains.
We
grow, and we learn how good those childhood days were. When problems
were black and white, when our parents worked to keep us happy. And
that's all we can hope to live up to. To do it a little better, a
little wiser. Learning from the generations past. Trying desperately
to end a legacy of abuse. Trying to maintain familial bonds. Trying
to be like our
parents, without becoming them.
Revival
I have decided that this little blog—first started as a requirement project for my English 101 class—deserves to be brought back to life. As a Zombie enthusiast I believe all good things deserve a second chance to become great. So consider this a resurrection.
My life has changed greatly since my last posting herein, and the things which I wish to bring forth have no place on my other more "active" blogs (If you can consider every few weeks active). My current self needs a space to express my thoughts, practice my art, and to submit a little writing to those who might want to read it.
And so here I am, trying to do what they told me in school. Take charge. Don't worry about the content or the audience. Just write. Write something. Write anything.
I'm not promising any of what follows or precedes is any good. Just that it is a raw indication of myself. Un-edited—ok, maybe a little edited—un-censored, Amber.
So, if youcare to dare to, follow me down the rabbit hole, and I'll call you Alice.
My life has changed greatly since my last posting herein, and the things which I wish to bring forth have no place on my other more "active" blogs (If you can consider every few weeks active). My current self needs a space to express my thoughts, practice my art, and to submit a little writing to those who might want to read it.
And so here I am, trying to do what they told me in school. Take charge. Don't worry about the content or the audience. Just write. Write something. Write anything.
I'm not promising any of what follows or precedes is any good. Just that it is a raw indication of myself. Un-edited—ok, maybe a little edited—un-censored, Amber.
So, if you
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Guilt
I find myself in the center of a personal moral debate. I currently work for my Aunt and Uncle at their landscaping company as a receptionist. Granted this is not my dream job. There are some benefits like getting to work with my family, a loose dress-code, and a rather relaxed office atmosphere. However there are problems as well. The job is in New Jersey, which means I'm stuck driving approximately 1 1/2 hours each way everyday. There is also a $5 bridge toll for me to get home everyday, plus the gas, and the fact that everything is closed by the time I get home so I cannot get my errands done (like going to the bank).
I still cannot afford health insurance, which was one of the major draws to this position in the first place. Most of my income goes back into getting to work in the first place. This all has been weighing on my mind pretty heavily in the past weeks. However this is not the cause for my moral dilemma. Back in February the other receptionist/secretary, Lois, had to go out on medical leave for an operation she needed in her leg. The operation has since been successful, and though walking with a cane, she is able to move around and would be able to come back to work.
The management, however, cannot afford to bring her back to work. They have been forced to make budget cuts and decided that, because I can handle both Lois' job and my own, she does not need to come back. She came into our office today, crying because she needs her job. She has been with this company for 20 years, she loves her job. She has mortgage payments she needs to make, in addition to her medical bills.
So I find myself, wracked with guilt and self-loathing because I have taken her job, a job I don't even want. What is one to do? I cannot just quit, I have bills to pay as well, and an upcoming trip to Baltimore MD for Otakon which requires money. I have put out applications to other jobs, but none have responded as of yet. I hope they do, so I can give this job back to it's rightful owner.
I still cannot afford health insurance, which was one of the major draws to this position in the first place. Most of my income goes back into getting to work in the first place. This all has been weighing on my mind pretty heavily in the past weeks. However this is not the cause for my moral dilemma. Back in February the other receptionist/secretary, Lois, had to go out on medical leave for an operation she needed in her leg. The operation has since been successful, and though walking with a cane, she is able to move around and would be able to come back to work.
The management, however, cannot afford to bring her back to work. They have been forced to make budget cuts and decided that, because I can handle both Lois' job and my own, she does not need to come back. She came into our office today, crying because she needs her job. She has been with this company for 20 years, she loves her job. She has mortgage payments she needs to make, in addition to her medical bills.
So I find myself, wracked with guilt and self-loathing because I have taken her job, a job I don't even want. What is one to do? I cannot just quit, I have bills to pay as well, and an upcoming trip to Baltimore MD for Otakon which requires money. I have put out applications to other jobs, but none have responded as of yet. I hope they do, so I can give this job back to it's rightful owner.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Steep Decline
It has been awhile since I have written anything here, especially anything of value. Perhaps it’s because my life is comfortable right now, despite the lack of employment. Maybe it’s because I have a wonderful relationship. Or maybe its because I’ve been in this place recently where I feel useless and worthless. I’ve gained about 15 pounds, which is making me self conscious, I have no job, and no one seems to want to employ me. I sit around the house all day, I want to motivate myself to do something, but it’s difficult to muster up the energy to do anything. And even if I do, it always feels like it isn’t enough or it isn’t worth anything. I have no sellable skills. I always used to think I was creative, but it seems my creativity is only valuable for my own entertainment.
What happened to me? How did I lose myself in this adult world? I took one step out there and fell through the surface tension. Is my mother right, am I afraid? Part of me believes she might be right, at least in part. But there must be more to it. I always knew what I was going to do in life, now I’m stalling out. I finally got my diploma. I put it somewhere around here. I miss school, I miss classes. I miss feeling intelligent and having engaging conversations with people. I miss the diversity, and having debates with people. My brain is lacking so much stimulation. When dad finally does give me a day of work I’m hungry for it. I want so badly to prove myself to him, to help him. But whenever he puts me on the spot, I seem to freeze up. Everything just leaves me. I know I need to take initiative, but I never know how.
On the bright side all this time home has taught me how to cook, I’ve learned a few basic recipes and I’m figuring out how to mess around with them. But it’s still a small victory overshadowed by a large failure. I know my parents are disappointed in me, and it hurts. I wish I could go back to high school, go back to the leader I was becoming back then. I thought growing up was going to be the best, and now I would give anything to go back to those days at Upattinas, goofing off with friends, hanging out in the halls, reading and writing short stories, and talking with intelligent people on a range of topics.
What happened to me? How did I lose myself in this adult world? I took one step out there and fell through the surface tension. Is my mother right, am I afraid? Part of me believes she might be right, at least in part. But there must be more to it. I always knew what I was going to do in life, now I’m stalling out. I finally got my diploma. I put it somewhere around here. I miss school, I miss classes. I miss feeling intelligent and having engaging conversations with people. I miss the diversity, and having debates with people. My brain is lacking so much stimulation. When dad finally does give me a day of work I’m hungry for it. I want so badly to prove myself to him, to help him. But whenever he puts me on the spot, I seem to freeze up. Everything just leaves me. I know I need to take initiative, but I never know how.
On the bright side all this time home has taught me how to cook, I’ve learned a few basic recipes and I’m figuring out how to mess around with them. But it’s still a small victory overshadowed by a large failure. I know my parents are disappointed in me, and it hurts. I wish I could go back to high school, go back to the leader I was becoming back then. I thought growing up was going to be the best, and now I would give anything to go back to those days at Upattinas, goofing off with friends, hanging out in the halls, reading and writing short stories, and talking with intelligent people on a range of topics.
Friday, September 05, 2008
"Broken Bride" A Rock-Opera Time Travel Odyssey
A few weeks ago I was riding in a friends car and they played for me an obscure album from a little known band. Since I first heard the band they have become more well known, releasing their new album "You're Awful, I Love You". It was not, however, this lively and amazing CD which first made me fall in love with the sensation known as Ludo. Their short 5 song CD from 2005 "Broken Bride" was all it took.
Broken Bride is a short but moving rock opera. Filled with a creative storyline and beautiful melodies which just fill your heart. The romantic story is one of a man who loses his love. Only different from many other love stories he creates a time machine to go back and stop her from dieing, unable to live without her. The songs take our hero from the dawn of time, fighting off pterodactyls and ice ages, to the very end of time. In a very moving depiction of the apocalypse (including mention of my favorite apocalyptic monster: zombies!) the character is made to be close to the listener. The descriptions in the lyrics paired with the music easily put the listener right there with the hero, feeling his pain, and going through everything with him.
A wonderfully moving piece the band has a way with telling some amazingly creative tales with their music. I commend them, and I think all should listen to them. Give Ludo a chance, if you don't love them you should get yourself checked.
Monday, October 01, 2007
The Zombie Tube, reformed
When I was young I remember my mother telling me not to sit so close to the tv because it would rot my brain. She also limited our television use to 2 hrs a day. In those days my parents referred to the television as the "Zombie Tube" because when we kids were watching it we looked like little drones. Completely vacant on the inside. Now I sit and watch the people around me and I havent discovered that in our technologically savvy society we have not only allowed our kids to be sucked up into the Zombie tube, using it as a babysitter, we have created another form of it! The computer.
Computers, paired with the internet have become the new Zombie tube. Kids sit staring at its screen all day chatting to friends and watching clips of stupidity on youtube. My only question is when will these kids start going outside? When will they ever do anything that doesnt involve a screen?
We cant escape the screens anymore. They're everywhere, hug ones on our walls (because real art isn't good enough anymore) and attached to our computers, on our phones and ipods. You can take a screen with you everywhere. But why? To keep us from being bored? Whatever happened to books? Whatever happened to just playing or making yourself useful? Drawing or doodling even?
Our creativity is being sucked out of our very souls, and are we even fighting back?
Computers, paired with the internet have become the new Zombie tube. Kids sit staring at its screen all day chatting to friends and watching clips of stupidity on youtube. My only question is when will these kids start going outside? When will they ever do anything that doesnt involve a screen?
We cant escape the screens anymore. They're everywhere, hug ones on our walls (because real art isn't good enough anymore) and attached to our computers, on our phones and ipods. You can take a screen with you everywhere. But why? To keep us from being bored? Whatever happened to books? Whatever happened to just playing or making yourself useful? Drawing or doodling even?
Our creativity is being sucked out of our very souls, and are we even fighting back?
Friday, July 27, 2007
The Upattinian Rule
A story based on the school wide game played during the 2003-2004 school year. A sum-up of the events of that year, as well as some story ideas that had never come to pass. Not to mention a little embellishment on my part ;) Enjoy....
Lady Amber sat in her room, staring at the deed's to her kingdom laid out on the desk before her. Today was a dark and dreary day, it was time to give herself over to the fate she had brought upon herself. The years politics had been chaotic, a swarm of kingdoms and tribes clawing at the resources of the land, each vying for control.
"How did it come to this?" she whispered to herself, knowing that she had been the one that started it all. Quietly she thought back on the events of the past year.
Upattinas had been a peaceful country, the majority of it's citizens were content under the rule of their king. King Alden had been a good leader, and a quiet man. At that point Lady Amber had been a wealthy noblewoman. She safeguarded her lands and the people within them, and was happy with her life. Until that fated day when she had received a letter, stamped with the official seal of the Imperial Secretary. The letter gave very detailed evidence that King Alden was mistreating the Barbarian hordes, stealing their land, destroying their crops and livestock, forcing them to the brink of starvation. She had felt outraged at the king's deeds and discussed at great length with the Imperial Secretary what should be done to stop him. After weeks of debate, the Imperial Secretary had convinced Lady Amber that the best way to end King Alden's corruption was to eliminate him. And so Lady Amber took on the task.
One day, during one of King Alden's weekly speeches to the masses, Lady Amber, cloaked in a disguise, slipped past the king's musketeers and shot the king, square in the back. He fell dead before all his subjects, and Lady Amber had escaped, the musketeers chasing after her.
The land was thrown into immediate turmoil. The Prince was summoned home from his distant travels. The kingdom split into factions, fighting amidst each other for control of the land. Allegations of Lady Amber guilt swarmed through the cities, but none could prove her guilt.
A great rivalry between Lady Amber and Prince Andrew blazed, he was convinced she was his father's murderer. Lady Amber was convinced that the Prince must have been as corrupt as his father. They met with many a harsh word to each other often. During one of their very heated debates, Lady Amber had let the truth slip from her own lips. She had admitted that she had slaughtered the king. Enraged the Prince had declared war upon her.
The next day they met on the field of honor. Lady Amber stood facing Prince Andrew, their armies poised for battle behind them. The call was summoned up, and just as the two warriors were about to meet, The Revolution raged into the battle, lead by Daniel J. of the Disgruntled Farmer's Union. Prince Andrew and his forces were driven back to the far off island of "Office", forcing him to give up control of many of his lands.
Rejoicing spread through Upattinas at the Prince's defeat, and new struggles emerged as the country searched for its new leader. It was at this time that Lady Amber discovered documents of a very unsettling nature, buried deep in the vaults of the Imperial Secretary. As she had read the documents, she began to feel sick at what they revealed. It was true that the Barbarian Hordes had been severely mistreated, however King Alden had not been the culprit. It had been the Imperial Secretary herself who had destroyed their crops and homes. Lady Amber had the information released to the public, despite the fact that it painted her a cold-blooded killer. She had been revered for her honesty, and scolded for her guilability.
Now she sat, her heart hung with the knowledge that she had murdered an innocent, good man. She had been so easily convinced to do such a horrible act. Lady Amber gathered up her deeds, tying them tightly into a leather folder. Standing she pulled her cloak over her shoulders and walked out of her office. She stepped out into the Great Yellow City, taking in it's golden walls for the last time. Her second and third in command, Peter and Kimmy stepped up to her. She smiled at them both, hugging them tightly. As she pulled away she handed Peter the folder.
"It's yours now." she said, turning and leaving her beloved city far behind. She traveled long, over land and sea, until at last she arrived upon Office island. Not one step ashore, she was met by the cold gaze of Prince Andrew and his attendants. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Lady Amber dropped to her knees before him upon the cold wet sand.
"I have come to make peace with you Prince." she said shakily, her heart beating loudly within her chest.
"I have taken from you, something that can never be replaced. I have wronged you in a way that should never have been. My actions could be blamed on misinformation or guilability, but I know within my heart that it is my own fault. Nothing I say or do will ever be able to make up for your loss. But, I am here, nonetheless, to tell you that I am sorry. I regret every action since that day." Lady Amber kept her eyes focused on the ground beneath her, trying to keep the tears from her eyes.
"I do not expect your forgiveness. You may do with me whatever you wish, my life is yours. I pledge myself into your service until my end." Lady Amber felt a single tear escape her eye as she waited for his response. She knew not what he would do with her, nor did it matter. Her conscience was satisfied. And if she was to die by his hand, she would die knowing that she had done the right thing in the end.
Lady Amber sat in her room, staring at the deed's to her kingdom laid out on the desk before her. Today was a dark and dreary day, it was time to give herself over to the fate she had brought upon herself. The years politics had been chaotic, a swarm of kingdoms and tribes clawing at the resources of the land, each vying for control.
"How did it come to this?" she whispered to herself, knowing that she had been the one that started it all. Quietly she thought back on the events of the past year.
Upattinas had been a peaceful country, the majority of it's citizens were content under the rule of their king. King Alden had been a good leader, and a quiet man. At that point Lady Amber had been a wealthy noblewoman. She safeguarded her lands and the people within them, and was happy with her life. Until that fated day when she had received a letter, stamped with the official seal of the Imperial Secretary. The letter gave very detailed evidence that King Alden was mistreating the Barbarian hordes, stealing their land, destroying their crops and livestock, forcing them to the brink of starvation. She had felt outraged at the king's deeds and discussed at great length with the Imperial Secretary what should be done to stop him. After weeks of debate, the Imperial Secretary had convinced Lady Amber that the best way to end King Alden's corruption was to eliminate him. And so Lady Amber took on the task.
One day, during one of King Alden's weekly speeches to the masses, Lady Amber, cloaked in a disguise, slipped past the king's musketeers and shot the king, square in the back. He fell dead before all his subjects, and Lady Amber had escaped, the musketeers chasing after her.
The land was thrown into immediate turmoil. The Prince was summoned home from his distant travels. The kingdom split into factions, fighting amidst each other for control of the land. Allegations of Lady Amber guilt swarmed through the cities, but none could prove her guilt.
A great rivalry between Lady Amber and Prince Andrew blazed, he was convinced she was his father's murderer. Lady Amber was convinced that the Prince must have been as corrupt as his father. They met with many a harsh word to each other often. During one of their very heated debates, Lady Amber had let the truth slip from her own lips. She had admitted that she had slaughtered the king. Enraged the Prince had declared war upon her.
The next day they met on the field of honor. Lady Amber stood facing Prince Andrew, their armies poised for battle behind them. The call was summoned up, and just as the two warriors were about to meet, The Revolution raged into the battle, lead by Daniel J. of the Disgruntled Farmer's Union. Prince Andrew and his forces were driven back to the far off island of "Office", forcing him to give up control of many of his lands.
Rejoicing spread through Upattinas at the Prince's defeat, and new struggles emerged as the country searched for its new leader. It was at this time that Lady Amber discovered documents of a very unsettling nature, buried deep in the vaults of the Imperial Secretary. As she had read the documents, she began to feel sick at what they revealed. It was true that the Barbarian Hordes had been severely mistreated, however King Alden had not been the culprit. It had been the Imperial Secretary herself who had destroyed their crops and homes. Lady Amber had the information released to the public, despite the fact that it painted her a cold-blooded killer. She had been revered for her honesty, and scolded for her guilability.
Now she sat, her heart hung with the knowledge that she had murdered an innocent, good man. She had been so easily convinced to do such a horrible act. Lady Amber gathered up her deeds, tying them tightly into a leather folder. Standing she pulled her cloak over her shoulders and walked out of her office. She stepped out into the Great Yellow City, taking in it's golden walls for the last time. Her second and third in command, Peter and Kimmy stepped up to her. She smiled at them both, hugging them tightly. As she pulled away she handed Peter the folder.
"It's yours now." she said, turning and leaving her beloved city far behind. She traveled long, over land and sea, until at last she arrived upon Office island. Not one step ashore, she was met by the cold gaze of Prince Andrew and his attendants. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Lady Amber dropped to her knees before him upon the cold wet sand.
"I have come to make peace with you Prince." she said shakily, her heart beating loudly within her chest.
"I have taken from you, something that can never be replaced. I have wronged you in a way that should never have been. My actions could be blamed on misinformation or guilability, but I know within my heart that it is my own fault. Nothing I say or do will ever be able to make up for your loss. But, I am here, nonetheless, to tell you that I am sorry. I regret every action since that day." Lady Amber kept her eyes focused on the ground beneath her, trying to keep the tears from her eyes.
"I do not expect your forgiveness. You may do with me whatever you wish, my life is yours. I pledge myself into your service until my end." Lady Amber felt a single tear escape her eye as she waited for his response. She knew not what he would do with her, nor did it matter. Her conscience was satisfied. And if she was to die by his hand, she would die knowing that she had done the right thing in the end.
Fin
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Empty Wallet Syndrome
Oh how the time does fly. It's been almost a year since I last entered anything into this blog, and yet it still stands as a testament to my writing ability. Since my last article, I have become a junior at Kutztown university, seen my little brother graduate highschool, witnessed my 10 year old sister pride in reaching 5ft. tall, and found myself 2 years into a wonderful relationship. Life is good.
Well as good as life can get when your poor. After all that is what being a college student is all about, being broke. There are many terms we use to describe this ailment, but when you have to scrounge up the pennys from within your couch to buy a pack of ramen, or "borrow" 10 cents from a friend to buy a scantron, you know you are poor. No number of words will change how you feel about it either. Being poor sucks. Plain and simple, it is a fact of the world. Most people in other countries would see no problems with being poor, it just happens. For there to be rich people there have to be poor ones. We, however, are the children of America. We come from a country of the middle class. There is no "poor" in America, simply "lower middle-class" and "upper middle-class". We all can afford cable and internet and heat and food and videogames.
But it has come to my attention as a poor college student that, I can't afford some of these things. Most in fact. The little money i get immediately goes to buy food and gas. Gas to get me to the places which provide me with food (i.e. the grocery store, or my parents house) and to purchase the food when I arrive.
I somtimes miss my highschool days because I had no need to buy myself food. I worked at a KFC, I got all the free food I wanted, ad my mother went grocery shopping every week. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't any Ms. Money bags then either. In fact back then I had a real bill to pay. I had worked up a hefty phone bill at one point, and I spent two years paying it off, $300 a month, plus $100 every three months for car insurance. But I worked so much (nearly full time) that I still had $2-300 left over every month. And my only expense was Gas. Granted gas was cheaper but it was still a necessity. Now I rely on a $200 allowance that my father gives me every month (because he loves me and I get good grades). However Food, and books are expensive.
And so I find myself watching the food network, wishing I had the money to buy those ingredients, or the pots to be able to make that dish. I am at the point where my staple foods are ramen, granola bars, and lipton pasta sides (can't beat 10 for $10). It is no wonder that people gain weight in college, most go from their parents supplying them with balanced meals of meat, potato, and veggie, to starch. That is the college diet even in the dining halls, Carbohydrates. Maybe you might have a lettuce bar (and I say lettuce because it isn't anything but) but it's not much of a challenge to a bowl of mac'n'cheese.
So wht is my point? What difference does it make? What can you do? Well all I can offer is this, if you know a hungr college student, offer them a meal everyonce in a while. They'll appreciate it I promise :)
Well as good as life can get when your poor. After all that is what being a college student is all about, being broke. There are many terms we use to describe this ailment, but when you have to scrounge up the pennys from within your couch to buy a pack of ramen, or "borrow" 10 cents from a friend to buy a scantron, you know you are poor. No number of words will change how you feel about it either. Being poor sucks. Plain and simple, it is a fact of the world. Most people in other countries would see no problems with being poor, it just happens. For there to be rich people there have to be poor ones. We, however, are the children of America. We come from a country of the middle class. There is no "poor" in America, simply "lower middle-class" and "upper middle-class". We all can afford cable and internet and heat and food and videogames.
But it has come to my attention as a poor college student that, I can't afford some of these things. Most in fact. The little money i get immediately goes to buy food and gas. Gas to get me to the places which provide me with food (i.e. the grocery store, or my parents house) and to purchase the food when I arrive.
I somtimes miss my highschool days because I had no need to buy myself food. I worked at a KFC, I got all the free food I wanted, ad my mother went grocery shopping every week. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't any Ms. Money bags then either. In fact back then I had a real bill to pay. I had worked up a hefty phone bill at one point, and I spent two years paying it off, $300 a month, plus $100 every three months for car insurance. But I worked so much (nearly full time) that I still had $2-300 left over every month. And my only expense was Gas. Granted gas was cheaper but it was still a necessity. Now I rely on a $200 allowance that my father gives me every month (because he loves me and I get good grades). However Food, and books are expensive.
And so I find myself watching the food network, wishing I had the money to buy those ingredients, or the pots to be able to make that dish. I am at the point where my staple foods are ramen, granola bars, and lipton pasta sides (can't beat 10 for $10). It is no wonder that people gain weight in college, most go from their parents supplying them with balanced meals of meat, potato, and veggie, to starch. That is the college diet even in the dining halls, Carbohydrates. Maybe you might have a lettuce bar (and I say lettuce because it isn't anything but) but it's not much of a challenge to a bowl of mac'n'cheese.
So wht is my point? What difference does it make? What can you do? Well all I can offer is this, if you know a hungr college student, offer them a meal everyonce in a while. They'll appreciate it I promise :)
Saturday, December 31, 2005
happy Chrismahanakwanzikah!
This time of year both bothers and yet delights me. I am happy to see my friends and family whom I have missed so much, and presents are always nice. However I hate people during this time. Everyone is rushing and pushing and yelling and screaming. I can understand how the grinch got to be such a meiser. People are miserable over the holidays. They have to take care of their kids who are off from school, and buy millions of dollars worth of presents for people they mostly dont really like. the Grinch had the plan, hide out in a cave away from the clutter and the chaos of Whoville, at least not untill after new years.
I took my little sister to the Camden Aquarium on Wednesday, thinking it would be a nice place, not too crowded (because its a weekday and it's the middle of winter) and it'd be educational. No such luck for me, while it was educational (mainly because I watch too much animal planet and was practically a human textbook) it was terribly overcrowded with pqarents dragging their children out to get them out of the house. I mean people were everywhere! Squished closer together then the penguins were in their tiny enclosure. Not to mention the fact that I was not impressed with the seeming lack of quality of life for many of the animals (especially the seals and penguins). I feel I can't risk taking my sister out again untill after everybody actually goes back to work. Unfortuneately she'll be in school by then.
I feel like I can't bring myself to go to aquariums or zoos anymore because it depresses me. I miss seeing wild animals roaming around in my back yard. They at least were happy. Animals behind bars is just... well, depressing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some crazy commie-hippy-environmentalist. I'm not vegen and I don't protest leather or meat. But I don't like seeing animals in cages. Big open pastures and fields are good things. And so are giant tanks with diversity and interesting things for the animals, not just some fish in a tank, or a sloth in a fake tree.
I took my little sister to the Camden Aquarium on Wednesday, thinking it would be a nice place, not too crowded (because its a weekday and it's the middle of winter) and it'd be educational. No such luck for me, while it was educational (mainly because I watch too much animal planet and was practically a human textbook) it was terribly overcrowded with pqarents dragging their children out to get them out of the house. I mean people were everywhere! Squished closer together then the penguins were in their tiny enclosure. Not to mention the fact that I was not impressed with the seeming lack of quality of life for many of the animals (especially the seals and penguins). I feel I can't risk taking my sister out again untill after everybody actually goes back to work. Unfortuneately she'll be in school by then.
I feel like I can't bring myself to go to aquariums or zoos anymore because it depresses me. I miss seeing wild animals roaming around in my back yard. They at least were happy. Animals behind bars is just... well, depressing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some crazy commie-hippy-environmentalist. I'm not vegen and I don't protest leather or meat. But I don't like seeing animals in cages. Big open pastures and fields are good things. And so are giant tanks with diversity and interesting things for the animals, not just some fish in a tank, or a sloth in a fake tree.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Last Day
We have finally arrived at the last day of class. No longer shall we have the driving force to continually update our blogs. The question is, how many of us will? How many of us will continue using these blogs to express our opinions? Will any of us continue to comment on those of others? This may be the true test of the influence of this class on individuals, if we are all still writing entries 3 months from now. This is also an opportunity to continue to communicate, not only with each other but with our professor.
Then again, maybe no one will continue to write here. Perhaps the lessons learned here can be continued on other blogging sites. On our livejournals or on our myspace blogs. The important thing is that something was learned or inspired. As Dr. Barlow said at the beginning of class, it’s just about being able to communicate your point. No matter what it be about. You can talk about music, politics, school, hell even chewing gum, as long as you can say what you want and have people understand it. That’s the power behind writing, and the new found power of the internet. You can express yourself, un-edited, and un-censored.
After exposing yourself to this new world of communication, the options are endless. You can publish anything you want. Publish your own music, publish your biography (because that’s all a diary/journal really is), publish your own fictional novel, publish your political column, or publish your own art. The world is lain at our feet, and our generation has an opportunity to make a difference. We are looked down on and unappreciated by so many of our aging population, and who runs our country? Our media? We should use our assets to prove that we wont just sit, hands-crossed and be told to be quiet. Express your Freedom of Speech!
Then again, maybe no one will continue to write here. Perhaps the lessons learned here can be continued on other blogging sites. On our livejournals or on our myspace blogs. The important thing is that something was learned or inspired. As Dr. Barlow said at the beginning of class, it’s just about being able to communicate your point. No matter what it be about. You can talk about music, politics, school, hell even chewing gum, as long as you can say what you want and have people understand it. That’s the power behind writing, and the new found power of the internet. You can express yourself, un-edited, and un-censored.
After exposing yourself to this new world of communication, the options are endless. You can publish anything you want. Publish your own music, publish your biography (because that’s all a diary/journal really is), publish your own fictional novel, publish your political column, or publish your own art. The world is lain at our feet, and our generation has an opportunity to make a difference. We are looked down on and unappreciated by so many of our aging population, and who runs our country? Our media? We should use our assets to prove that we wont just sit, hands-crossed and be told to be quiet. Express your Freedom of Speech!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Wisdom Teeth Blues
There comes a time in every individuals life (usually around the age of 18) when they have to make a choice. To remove their wisdom teeth or not to remove them. Usually a parent will initiate the conversation with a dentist. Sometimes we are lucky enough not to need the surgery. You may have enough room in your jaw for them to grow in. You may only have one or two of them. Or you may be among the majority of the population and have all four which need to be removed.
I had been having some troubles with my jaw, some pains and such, and someone mentioned to me that it was probably my wisdom teeth. I agreed and brought the topic up with my mother. She told me to wait until our next dentist appointment to ask the doctor. So I did. When the appointment came around the dentist took some x-rays agreed that it was time for them to come out and referred me to a dental surgeon. I talked with the surgeon, who took more x-rays and explained the complications that could happen (through a video tape) and told me to make an appointment.
My mother scheduled the appointment for the day after thanksgiving. I had been told not to eat anything for 10 hrs before the procedure, because the sedative they used tended to make patients nauseas. I knew all the things that could go wrong, I knew that the surgeon could accidentally sever the main nerve to my lower jaw. I knew that she could also damage my sinus cavity. But I was told my teeth were positioned so that I wasn’t at a risk or either of those. I knew that I was being put under through an IV (the most frightening part of the whole ordeal). However never once did they actually tell me what they were going to do. I have had oral surgery before, and I was always told exactly what was being done to my mouth. I was told about the location of incisions, the tools, everything that the doctor would be doing.
When I stepped into that room and they lay me down on that chair I began to panic from all the people doing all the things that I couldn’t identify. The nurses kindly told me about the nitrous oxide and what it was supposed to do to me, and about the strange cuff placed on my finger to monitor my heart rate. However there was no warning of the IV other than the sudden cold, wet, scrape of a sterilized piece of gauze against my arm. Even after the procedure I was not told what they had done to me, something I have come to accept as simply common courtesy. I was simply told that I would have some bruising on my lower right cheek because that tooth had been exceptionally difficult. They did not explain and my mother didn’t ask. I was to drugged up to even make the sentence before the doctor was gone. The nurse told me how to take care of the wounds and gave my mother the two bottles of pain relievers they had prescribed.
Perhaps it is just my own natural curiosity, or perhaps it is my want to know everything, but I feel I have been cheated of my own right to know what is going on with my body. I know that my wisdom teeth were removed, but the how is my question. I am going to be a librarian, why people become librarians is because they want to know as much as they can. Unfortunately I cannot turn back time to ask the doctor the questions I wanted answers to, so I bring this story to a close with this, don’t let doctors, or anyone push you around. Ask your questions, get your answers. It is your body, understand what’s happening to it.
I had been having some troubles with my jaw, some pains and such, and someone mentioned to me that it was probably my wisdom teeth. I agreed and brought the topic up with my mother. She told me to wait until our next dentist appointment to ask the doctor. So I did. When the appointment came around the dentist took some x-rays agreed that it was time for them to come out and referred me to a dental surgeon. I talked with the surgeon, who took more x-rays and explained the complications that could happen (through a video tape) and told me to make an appointment.
My mother scheduled the appointment for the day after thanksgiving. I had been told not to eat anything for 10 hrs before the procedure, because the sedative they used tended to make patients nauseas. I knew all the things that could go wrong, I knew that the surgeon could accidentally sever the main nerve to my lower jaw. I knew that she could also damage my sinus cavity. But I was told my teeth were positioned so that I wasn’t at a risk or either of those. I knew that I was being put under through an IV (the most frightening part of the whole ordeal). However never once did they actually tell me what they were going to do. I have had oral surgery before, and I was always told exactly what was being done to my mouth. I was told about the location of incisions, the tools, everything that the doctor would be doing.
When I stepped into that room and they lay me down on that chair I began to panic from all the people doing all the things that I couldn’t identify. The nurses kindly told me about the nitrous oxide and what it was supposed to do to me, and about the strange cuff placed on my finger to monitor my heart rate. However there was no warning of the IV other than the sudden cold, wet, scrape of a sterilized piece of gauze against my arm. Even after the procedure I was not told what they had done to me, something I have come to accept as simply common courtesy. I was simply told that I would have some bruising on my lower right cheek because that tooth had been exceptionally difficult. They did not explain and my mother didn’t ask. I was to drugged up to even make the sentence before the doctor was gone. The nurse told me how to take care of the wounds and gave my mother the two bottles of pain relievers they had prescribed.
Perhaps it is just my own natural curiosity, or perhaps it is my want to know everything, but I feel I have been cheated of my own right to know what is going on with my body. I know that my wisdom teeth were removed, but the how is my question. I am going to be a librarian, why people become librarians is because they want to know as much as they can. Unfortunately I cannot turn back time to ask the doctor the questions I wanted answers to, so I bring this story to a close with this, don’t let doctors, or anyone push you around. Ask your questions, get your answers. It is your body, understand what’s happening to it.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
A View, Not of my Own.
To write a paper on an opinion you do not carry is a tough charge. As so much of what we write is to express our own opinions. First you have to choose a topic. Something I am passionate about. The topic I chose is school uniforms.
There are many benefits to schools uniforms. It helps to unify the student body as a community as well as allowing teachers and administrators to concentrate on more important work in the school, rather than whether students clothes are in accordance with the dress code. This in turn will help to increase the proficiency of the teaching environment, ultimately helping the students. Another benefit to making mandatory school uniforms is that it helps to eliminate gang colors in urban schools. This will decrease the amount of violence in our schools.
As to the argument many have made that the uniforms will be expensive and/or poor quality, it is simply not true. In fact uniforms are well priced for all social classes and can help in deterring bullying in schools based on a persons’ inability to purchase the newest brands. Mandatory school uniforms also eliminate derogatory logos and language in the student wardrobe. This helps in preventing the fall of students into rougher, or more violent ways of life.
Implementing school uniforms also decreases the number of thefts of clothing or shoes as well as decreasing the number of violent confrontations due to clothes. It also reduces the distractions within the classroom, because if everyone is wearing the same thing as you, you have no reason to look around the room rather than at the board. Also uniforms make it clearly visible to teachers and administrators those young people who do not belong on the premises or who are not following rules. This makes punishing those students easier and quicker.
One of the largest arguments against uniforms is the claim that it is unconstitutional, taking away a students right to freedom of expression. There are compromises to be made however. Many systems are supporting that uniforms can be more relaxed rather than the all too famous catholic school uniform. Uniforms can be a simple pair of khaki pants and a knit shirt or even a pair of jeans. However jean size should be regulated and students should be required to wear pants the fit, rather than those which hang down below the waist and expose undergarments, or are too tight and revealing. Another way of dealing with arguments against uniforms is to allow students to wear buttons or pins which express their political or social views. However it should be made clear that any gang paraphernalia is not accecptable in any way.
To aid the parents of children in low income or single parent homes, offering financial aid for the purchase of uniforms should be considered. Also a school must accommodate the religious beliefs of students, so religious clothing must be allowed. Perhaps by requesting that students wear part of the uniform along with religious garments, or underneath you can incorporate them into the whole of your school community. Also allowing the uniform colors to be bright, or to change slightly with the season can help in easing students into the process.
There are many, many benefits to school uniforms. In addition to being functional they can be more flexible than many individuals believe. Our children’s safety is the most important thing in our society today, as well as their education. School uniforms aid in both of these areas, helping to secure a better future for all of us.
There are many benefits to schools uniforms. It helps to unify the student body as a community as well as allowing teachers and administrators to concentrate on more important work in the school, rather than whether students clothes are in accordance with the dress code. This in turn will help to increase the proficiency of the teaching environment, ultimately helping the students. Another benefit to making mandatory school uniforms is that it helps to eliminate gang colors in urban schools. This will decrease the amount of violence in our schools.
As to the argument many have made that the uniforms will be expensive and/or poor quality, it is simply not true. In fact uniforms are well priced for all social classes and can help in deterring bullying in schools based on a persons’ inability to purchase the newest brands. Mandatory school uniforms also eliminate derogatory logos and language in the student wardrobe. This helps in preventing the fall of students into rougher, or more violent ways of life.
Implementing school uniforms also decreases the number of thefts of clothing or shoes as well as decreasing the number of violent confrontations due to clothes. It also reduces the distractions within the classroom, because if everyone is wearing the same thing as you, you have no reason to look around the room rather than at the board. Also uniforms make it clearly visible to teachers and administrators those young people who do not belong on the premises or who are not following rules. This makes punishing those students easier and quicker.
One of the largest arguments against uniforms is the claim that it is unconstitutional, taking away a students right to freedom of expression. There are compromises to be made however. Many systems are supporting that uniforms can be more relaxed rather than the all too famous catholic school uniform. Uniforms can be a simple pair of khaki pants and a knit shirt or even a pair of jeans. However jean size should be regulated and students should be required to wear pants the fit, rather than those which hang down below the waist and expose undergarments, or are too tight and revealing. Another way of dealing with arguments against uniforms is to allow students to wear buttons or pins which express their political or social views. However it should be made clear that any gang paraphernalia is not accecptable in any way.
To aid the parents of children in low income or single parent homes, offering financial aid for the purchase of uniforms should be considered. Also a school must accommodate the religious beliefs of students, so religious clothing must be allowed. Perhaps by requesting that students wear part of the uniform along with religious garments, or underneath you can incorporate them into the whole of your school community. Also allowing the uniform colors to be bright, or to change slightly with the season can help in easing students into the process.
There are many, many benefits to school uniforms. In addition to being functional they can be more flexible than many individuals believe. Our children’s safety is the most important thing in our society today, as well as their education. School uniforms aid in both of these areas, helping to secure a better future for all of us.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Myspace Music Disease
Myspace.com, most of us have an account there. If we do not, then our friends do. A blogging site which seems like any other at first, but then it blooms into something unexpected and wonderful. Myspace.com has become a community where people from all around the country, even the world can connect. You can find local bands that are still in the beginnings of producing their music. You can support local music around the world and open the door to a variable musical wonderland. All you have to do is follow links, similar to Alice following the white rabbit. Follow the link from one of your friends to one of their friends and so on until you have opened yourself into a much larger community.
The band community on Myspace alone is unique. Where in the normal world bands are competitors, vying for the same gigs, online they are supporters. Each band supports others because it is not a competitive space. Myspace is simply about getting their music heard and supporting local and small time music. There are bands of every type that you can stumble across in your travels. Parody, R&B, Industrial, Rock, Emo, and Pop can all be found side by side supporting one another. It is a musical enthusiasts dream, right at their fingertips.
Simply by clicking the button you can browse through hundreds of musicians of any one genre. It gives you the power to explore more than just the “popular” artists and find music that you truthfully enjoy. All it takes is a scroll of the mouse to be surprised by artists you never knew existed, and music you might not have thought possible. Too many of us are letting this amazing tool slip us by. Supporting local bands is important. Especially because many of them are better than the popular artists out there today.
The band community on Myspace alone is unique. Where in the normal world bands are competitors, vying for the same gigs, online they are supporters. Each band supports others because it is not a competitive space. Myspace is simply about getting their music heard and supporting local and small time music. There are bands of every type that you can stumble across in your travels. Parody, R&B, Industrial, Rock, Emo, and Pop can all be found side by side supporting one another. It is a musical enthusiasts dream, right at their fingertips.
Simply by clicking the button you can browse through hundreds of musicians of any one genre. It gives you the power to explore more than just the “popular” artists and find music that you truthfully enjoy. All it takes is a scroll of the mouse to be surprised by artists you never knew existed, and music you might not have thought possible. Too many of us are letting this amazing tool slip us by. Supporting local bands is important. Especially because many of them are better than the popular artists out there today.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
"Lil-yah"
In my few short years attending the Upattinas School and Resource Center, I met many interesting people. I was shown the inner beauty that so many people posess. As I found myself blooming into the person I am today, I witnessed the transformation of many other people as well. One of which was an amazingly talented girl by the name of Lelia Broussard (pronounced “Lil-yah” as she has corrected so many). I first met her about four years ago, and was immediately taken aback but her beautiful voice and creative lyrics. From the first time I met her I found that she was completely dedicated to her dreams, even at a young age. And even more shocking was the complete support from her family. I had never seen a family so dedicated to their daughter’s dream.
At that early point her sound was unique, even though her voice was a little raw. But the talent was there, just waiting to be refined into one of the most beautiful gems in the world of music. I did not get a chance to see Lelia much during my senior year of high school, however she was always to be found at school functions or at performance class, singing her heart out and showcasing her new songs to us. I lost touch over last year as I went to college, so when she “friended” me through www.myspace.com I was blown away by the new her. She had been terribly successful in the year I had missed. She’d been played on the radio, had two of her songs featured on episodes of “Joan of Arcadia” and so much more. As the songs on the site began to play I was in such disbelief. Was this the same girl? Had she really grown that much? She had blossomed from a seedling into a full rose.
As a mere spectator I can not tell how the transformation came to happen, although I suspect it was from her dedication and spirit. Lelia had always had the talent to write meaningful, soulful music and to sing it the way it was meant to be. Now she has grown into her voice and become a beautiful girl who I am certain will cause a sensation. Her defiance of the pop world comforts me as she sings the way she wants and is duely recognized for it. In the short time I have known her she has gone from a talented girl, singing her heart out, to an amazing professional singing to your soul.
For all those who want to learn more about this amazing local artist, www.leliabroussard.com or www.myspace.com/leliabroussard. Listen to her yourself and I promise you will be impressed.
At that early point her sound was unique, even though her voice was a little raw. But the talent was there, just waiting to be refined into one of the most beautiful gems in the world of music. I did not get a chance to see Lelia much during my senior year of high school, however she was always to be found at school functions or at performance class, singing her heart out and showcasing her new songs to us. I lost touch over last year as I went to college, so when she “friended” me through www.myspace.com I was blown away by the new her. She had been terribly successful in the year I had missed. She’d been played on the radio, had two of her songs featured on episodes of “Joan of Arcadia” and so much more. As the songs on the site began to play I was in such disbelief. Was this the same girl? Had she really grown that much? She had blossomed from a seedling into a full rose.
As a mere spectator I can not tell how the transformation came to happen, although I suspect it was from her dedication and spirit. Lelia had always had the talent to write meaningful, soulful music and to sing it the way it was meant to be. Now she has grown into her voice and become a beautiful girl who I am certain will cause a sensation. Her defiance of the pop world comforts me as she sings the way she wants and is duely recognized for it. In the short time I have known her she has gone from a talented girl, singing her heart out, to an amazing professional singing to your soul.
For all those who want to learn more about this amazing local artist, www.leliabroussard.com or www.myspace.com/leliabroussard. Listen to her yourself and I promise you will be impressed.
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